From a very young age, we are taught to idolize our parents and look up to them. Therefore, when we grow up and realize that they are as much human as we are, our preconceived notion and conditioning prevent us from accepting them as they are; with all their flaws that make them human. Many-a-time they take decisions which might not be in the best interest of their children, but later we ought to realize that probably it wasn’t about us, it was about them. And that might heal some of our long time scars and trauma.
Veteran singer Phil Collins’ daughter Lily Collins did just that; she understood her reality and forgave her father for not being the kind of parent she wanted him to be.
With some successful movies like Rules Don’t Apply and Stuck in Love, the now 31-year-old actress has made a name for herself in the industry but she kept struggling with her childhood loneliness for a long time because of her supremely successful father and his three marriages.
While Lily Collins did go through a lot of pain for not getting the love she wanted, eventually, she did acknowledge it and made peace with her life and her father. In an open letter to her father, published in her book Unfiltered: No Shame, No Regrets, Just Me, she wrote, “I forgive you for not always being there when I needed and for not being the dad I expected,” Daily Mail quoted.
“I forgive the mistakes you made. And although it may seem like it’s too late, it’s not. There’s still so much time to move forward. We all make choices and, although I don’t excuse some of yours, at the end of the day we can’t rewrite the past.”
Lily is the daughter of Collins’ second wife and an antique dealer, Jill Tavelman. When the actress was five, Phil Collins reportedly ended the relationship with Tavelman through a fax, and moved to Switzerland for 20 years. She would see him only during school holidays.
In her candid confessions through her book, Lily Collins revealed that her parents’ failed marriage had a deep and longlasting impact on her. She also spoke about her tumultuous relationship with her father and said that could be the reason why she struggled with anorexia and bulimia as a teenager.
Collins also believes that her father’s split from his third wife, Swiss translator Orianne Cevey, might have a connection to it. “I couldn’t handle the pain and confusion surrounding my dad’s divorce,” she admitted. “And I was having a hard time balancing being a teenager with pursuing two different grown-up careers. Many of my deepest insecurities stem from these issues with my dad,” she wrote.
After years of emotional and mental struggle, she realized that forgiveness is perhaps the only way to put an end to her suffering and is the only way forward. “I’m learning how to accept your actions and vocalize how they made me feel. I accept and honor the sadness and anger I felt toward the things you did or didn’t do, did or didn’t give me,” she concluded the open letter.
Their relationship has improved and she even took the step of wishing him on his 67th birthday, as per ET Online. “Happy birthday dad! Thank you for inspiring me to be a creative spirit, to express myself boldly and bravely, and to stay determined and focused amongst the noise. I love you to the moon and back again. You’ll always be one of the brightest stars in my sky” she wrote on Instagram.
We wish the father-daughter duo peace, healing, and love!